If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
