i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
