Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
