just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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