i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
