I wish my penis had an off switch
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
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