They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Randomize
