We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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