i would punch a child for taco bell
apparently the secret to your success is patron
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
