Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Randomize
