awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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