you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
