Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Mom said you looked used
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
It's rum buckets o'clock
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
