Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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