I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Randomize
