I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
