What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Randomize
