i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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