No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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