My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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