I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
