i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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