i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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