Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
