Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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