Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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