it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
