Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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