try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
