when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
