i just had sex bonerless
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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