I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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