is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
