dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
