love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
