It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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