I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
