Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Randomize
