I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
