You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
