Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
