i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
