just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
The Olympian is in my bed
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
