You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
