sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I would fuck him just for his dog
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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