mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
