I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
nutella sex= disaster
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
