17 year olds will be the death of me.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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