wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
