Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
