peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
