hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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