How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
