i can't believe i had my finger in that
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
