my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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