I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
