Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
