On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Randomize
