break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
