I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
