I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
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i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
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