i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
