Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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